So I didn’t run TNF Endurance Challenge on September 19. And I didn’t write about it either. I didn’t think about it much. Or, I didn’t let myself think about it much. It was too hard. I can’t explain how hard. My eyes are welling up now that I am allowing myself to think through this. I probably could have an all out cry if I let myself. It has been supressed. I will dream about it soon. As usual. Running. I once had a dream I was running on a spongy pine needle forest trail for miles. I just kept running. Floating almost. That was my whole dream. And it was long. My legs just kept turning over, pulling me along, whizzing past rows of forest pines. I felt my feet hit the forest floor, I saw the brown pine-needled ground give under my feet, I smelled the decay and heard my breathing. It was wonderful.
So I took a month off from the whole ordeal. No running, no yoga, no stretching, no doctor. No writing. I didn’t let it consume me. I hid it all. I didn’t wake up wishing I was at the race. I kept busy. I had to. I didn’t talk about it. I forgot about it. Mostly. I was actually able to. And that was weird. I knew I had to. That was just the way it was. Then I did what I knew I had to do next – find a new doctor and a new PT. I still didn’t run, I didn’t do a thing but schedule an appointment. One step at a time.
Tags: ITBS, nature, Running, The North Face, trail, trail running, trails, yoga
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